re-written/edited/expanded version of a writing prompt from 4/2010
original prompt: "Choosing to hurt someone close to you"
--
They climbed out onto the cavetops together. Today, Relanna was acutely aware of the feel of the blueish rock under her fingertips and feet as they moved skyward. As always, the first cold burst of wind was a pleasant shock, a dramatic contrast to the stale, vaguely metallic air of the caves. As they made their way to the nearest launching perch, Relanna’s gaze drifted over the vast, rocky expanse of the surface, desolate as always of any real trace of life: on this world, living things were nurtured deep within the earth, not above it. She tried not to think about conversation she would have to have in a few moments. Like so many things, it had haunted her thoughts for days.
The particular cavetop they had been climbing tapered off slowly to a jagged edge the jutted out over a long canyon. Relanna looked up at the sky. It was dusky and rich, orange with just a tinge of purple and a particular milk-foggy quality to it that never quite went away. The moons were hidden behind that fog, and the stars. She stood at the edge of the cliff, stretching a bit and then standing with the particular stiff, upright ease of a trained soldier, her gaze still focused somewhere far into the distance. After a few moments of this, she turned to the man who had followed her and they both outstretched their wings. Hers were clearly a marvel in comparison: the wingspan was nearly doubled, the quality stronger, vastly superior – even in the dusky half-light, they shined. His were plain, little better than the utilitarian pair that all the free cave dwellers had wielded into their backs when they came of age. More out of habit than any real necessity, Relanna inspected her wings with a critical eye, searching for any flaws that needed repair, any features that could use an upgrade and, of course, anything that could lead to danger in the upcoming flight. Satisfied, she turned her eyes back to her companion.
“Halim” she said, speaking softly, drawing his attention away from his own, much less detailed inspection of his wings. “Halim,” she said again, this time for herself, running the two syllables gently across her teeth. “Halim, Halim, Halim…” she said again and again, but now only in her own head as his gentle eyes rose to meet hers, as his eyebrows rose expectantly. What was she to say to this man who was her cousin, but so much more - a brother, a lover, her oldest, closest friend? What was she to say when she her lips were sealed with the strictest of orders, when all that needed to be said was unspeakable?
She looked up again at the sky. There were so many things that see wanted to tell him. I am going to fly to the moon. I am going to fly into war. Half my body is welded with soldier’s implants, just look at their metallic brilliance, their power: look how far this cave rat has come. Do you remember how we used to run through those old tunnels, how we used to crawl, our hair always sullied with ash, dirt? Now I can fly, further and faster than you could imagine. I still dream, cousin, those dreams that horrify, but what does it matter when I can fly now, fly all the way there to death and moon, as far away from these old caves as I can become. She wanted to talk and talk, to tell him everything so that she could breath normally again.
“This is the last time we’re going to fly together,” she said instead, matter-of-factly.
“What do you mean, Rel?” the man, Halim, asked. He seemed frail now, so slow and breakable, defenseless in the face of all the dangers that lurked in the skies, beyond the fog. She wondered how it could be that once, he’d taken care of her so completely.
“It’s…just how it is. I don’t have time for these things anymore. I got an offer to move to another lode, closer to the Center. Honestly… these flights are a bore. You can’t keep up with me anymore, Halim. I need more,” she said, careful to keep her tone merely bored, knowing how the words, the accompanying lack of emotion would grate. She knew him well enough to know what buttons to push: injure his pride, make him feel insignificant.
“Rel…”
“I’m serious. I don’t want to drag this out. This is goodbye. We both need to find ourselves people more….on our own level.”
“I see. So I’m not ‘on your level’ anymore,” he said, a bitter, taunting tone creeping into his voice. Pain. Relanna said nothing. She remembered the taste of his lips on hers, giggling madly in some old crevice of the rocky blue walls, his hand wrapped around her back at the waist. She remembered how safe she felt when he held her, when she woke up from the dreams gasping. You can’t protect me now, she wanted to scream. She shrugged.
“It’s better this way,” Relanna said.
“Better this way? Are FUCKING serious?”
Once, she used to dream of her mothers death, the way the falling stone had crushed and split open her skull, spilling out blood and a grey mass. She used to dream of that terrible shaking. Now she dreamed of her own death. She dreamed of her many possible deaths and the aftermaths, the tears, the screams. She dreamt of him, Halim, screaming till his throat was raw, dry heaving uncontrollably. Yes, Relanna was far too familiar with the effects of loss not to know what would happen afterwards. Those images played over on her eyelids even now, waking, as she once again tearlessly shrugged.
“I should go.” She was all she said in response.
“Yeah, go, wouldn’t want you to waste your precious time with the likes of me. Selfish cunt.”
She wanted to hug him. She wanted to feel his body one last time, pressed against hers, to touch his skin. She wanted to take the pain and anger out of his eyes. Instead she launched herself off of the cliff and into the endless tangerine sky. Her hair flew up as the wind wrapped around her small muscular body, chosen and endlessly tweaked by the engineers who gave her those glorious wings. Halim’s figured retreated into the distance, growing smaller and smaller, becoming nothing.
You can’t protect me anymore, but I can protect you.
If there were tears, no one would see them up in the skies. The wings shined brilliantly.
---
0 comments:
Post a Comment